Life Lessons from an Eight-year-old Hockey Player

“Who’s the worst player on the team?” the player shouted.

“Sam is! Sam is!” chanted the other players in the locker room. Sam sat in silence. They were probably right. Sam was one of the weaker players on the team. The rest of the team didn’t fully realize that Sam had overcome many obstacles to earn a spot on this elite travel hockey team of eight and nine-year-olds.

Sam has spina bifida, a birth defect where the spine does not fully develop. Doctors warned his parents that he probably would never learn to walk, yet Sam did learn to walk. Although he learned to walk, he couldn’t run well enough to keep up with the other kids and participate fully in sports like soccer, baseball, or football. However, something happened when Sam laced up his skates. The gliding motion of skating allowed him to keep up with the others in a way he couldn’t when he was on dry ground. Sam’s grit, determination, and scrappiness earned him a place on the elite travel hockey team, beating out many other kids for one of the last spots.

My wife got to know Sam’s mom while sitting in the hockey rink for hours while Sam’s team and our son’s team shared the practice ice. My respect for Sam grew when my wife related this story to me. I admire people who work hard and have overcome difficulties and setbacks to succeed. I also admired Sam for sticking with it even when bullied by some of his teammates. Then she told me another story about Sam that impacted me even more.

Sam’s team was playing a game against a tough opponent when a player on the opposing team was tripped with a clear path to the goal. Penalty shot! The penalty shot is one of hockey’s tensest and most exciting moments. The player who was tripped is awarded one shot on goal with no one else on the ice except the opposing goalie. Players on both teams stood in their benches and watched breathlessly as the opposing player skated toward Sam’s team’s goalie with the puck.

Shot, save, no goal! Sam’s team erupted with joy that their goalie had made the save. The shooter collapsed to the ice in disappointment. The opposing team began to shout insults at their own player. “Loser!” they yelled. “What an idiot! Anybody could have scored on that goalie!”

Then both benches and the crowd went silent as Sam opened the gate to his team’s bench and skated out to the opposing player. He helped him off the ice, said some words only Sam and the other player could hear, gave him a pat on the shoulder, and then both players skated back to their respective benches.

After the game, Sam’s mom asked him, “What did you say to him?”

“I told him not to worry about it. Kids on my team do the same thing to me, and I know how it feels when people say mean things about you. You tried your best.”

We moved to a different city not long after that and never heard from Sam and his family again, but I have often thought of Sam and his actions some twenty-plus years later. I admire his determination and effort to overcome setbacks in his life that were no fault of his own. More than that, I admire his compassion and ability to recognize the humanity of people regardless of who they are. I don’t think Sam lost his competitiveness by showing kindness to the opposing player, and I doubt that he would let the other team win the hockey game because he felt sorry for them.

Some people think showing compassion, especially to someone who is a momentary opponent or somehow different from you, is a sign of weakness. I don’t think so. It would have been easy for Sam to just sit on the bench and let the other team verbally abuse their own player. It took courage and strength of character for Sam to do what he did.

Throughout my life, I have worked hard to advance my career and provide for my family. I have worked and studied hard to be better than my competitors in the business world. I have strong beliefs about which political and economic systems work best for the betterment of society. I have a strong faith in God. I don’t have to compromise my beliefs or principles to treat others with respect or to help those who are hurting.

In these divided times, there is an increasing tendency to express contempt for those who act or believe differently than us. Sometimes I can sense myself getting caught up in this attitude and I need to think back to Sam and remember that those who might think differently than me, my supposed opponents, are still human and should be treated with dignity, compassion, and respect. Thanks, Sam.